He Rants: "Confused Feminist"

These girls will not kill me. They annoy me to the soul. Most times, I wonder what happened to our mothers-kind-of girls. Virtually all the girls I see now come with a label; ‘FEMINIST’. I tried to be as liberal as I can possibly be to see reasons with them but only to get confused the more.

The other day, a lady walked out on me on a date night just because I asked her view on feminism. I allowed her explain in peace o; but when I said my view on feminism, it became a problem. In fact judging by the looks I saw in her eyes plus the bottle of coca cola sitting before her, I was lucky to have left the lounge with my head bandage free. There is no name she didn’t call me that very night. Of all the avalanche of the names she called me that night, ‘Antifeminist’ and ‘typical African man’ stuck on my mind. But for peace to reign I humbled myself and composed a two page SMS I had to surf online for clues, bought flowers, packed my ego and begged.  If begging were to be a game in the Olympics, I’m sure I’d go home with a gold medal.

       Finally, after making a fool of myself for two months, she forgave me and we continued from where we stopped.  For few weeks I tried my best to avoid mentioning ‘man’ or ‘woman’ in our conversations until last weekend at her place, she ordered a pizza and when the delivery guy came, she asked me to pay; but since I didn’t have much cash on me I suggested we split the bill, hoping she of all people would understand since she’s a feminist. But to my optimum surprise, she rebranded the label and called it gender roles. She said I should pay that I am the guy. Which one is gender role again?

     Last come to last, this confused lady walked me out of her flat. I tell you, if she see my legs on her threshold again make she cut am. I’ve had enough. Mek I catch mysef go buy eni yeye flower.  Nonsense!   

                                                                                                                        I.J. Kalia